the gradual unwinding of the censoring self
Last night one of my spiritual mentors encouraged me to stop self censoring. It was the same message that my spiritual teacher John-Roger gave me in a dream a few nights ago… he told me to “say what is to be said”. I received that message as take care of the relationship with myself first and foremost. “To thine own self be true”. It’s a courtship, a dance with ourselves is it not? Commitment and desire… that’s what it takes to get gentle movement in our behavior. Keeping our eyes on something greater that’s aligned with our truer nature. Writing that I feel a laugh gurgling up that never quite makes its way out. Oh, I can feel it and I know something profound is engaging for my higher learning.
That inner voice has both gentleness and clarity. So to get to authenticity, you really keep going down to the bone, to the honesty, and the inevitability of something.
– Meredith Monk
I stop short, granted its minor, but it is enough to lose the fullness of the message…. that’s my form of censoring. I shut down, because “I think” I’ve had a lot of experience with people’s inability to actively participate in a relationship that involves high levels of authenticity and intimacy. I challenge that now. What if instead, people find it difficult to participate in a relationship where the person just doesn’t choose to give all of themselves? Where withholding is stopping it from moving to a deeper place. Granted, we are not talking about a massive shift, it’s a level of refinement.
I think we can all tell when someone doesn’t show up in all the ways they are capable.
When they do, barriers come down, connection builds and trust becomes present. Most importantly I want to trust myself; to know I’ll be ok if the other person has to process our communication or leave the relationship on some level.
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.
Authentic communication is high value, even greater is opening further to the flow of inspiration and connection to Spirit. It’s time for me to temper fears with the awareness that I have built good habits that support me and can energize my openness: listening with loving and nonjudgment, taking responsibility for my own triggers, being quiet inside so I can listen uninterrupted by my thoughts and most importantly letting people be fresh each time, so they can evolve the their process without holding them into old patterns.
I’ve written about this before and it’s worth saying again. There was once a time that this was a bigger issue for me and got in my way of my working as a manager. It was a time that I made a significant shift to better ways of being. I began to call myself on it, out loud, if I minimized a communication or redirected it because I uncomfortable. The stakes were to high not to be accurate or give people everything they needed to be successful. Was it uncomfortable? Yes, but it built a tremendous rapport with my colleagues and staff.
Slowing down the process has also been a major key for me, probably more so going forward. Slowing down helps unblock the process, undermines fear and allows greater access to our senses and inner connection.
Here are some recent Tweets that are relevant (ordered to read top down) from the same day in a stream of thought.
I wish people were more highly skilled and braver with their communication. It’s selfish I know to want that around myself.
Comfort zone is a funny thing, people don’t like it to be stretched very much. Not very much at all. It appears to be a very real pain.
And what’s funny, oddly appealing about being stretched is that a tiny acknowledgement that it’s taking places eases the experience.
Said right then in the moment. It’s like bursting a pressurized bubble and it slows things down so you can catch up.
Without the pressure there is ease in every dialogue. Acknowledgement is probably the biggest powerhouse in communication.